I took a picture of this little excerpt out of “Call Me By Your Name” last year when I read it, and I found it today. I was really moved by this story because it was so emotionally intense and captures the overwhelming feeling of loving and losing completely. If you make it towards the end, you’ll arrive at this conversation between the main character Elio and his father, who says exactly what I think everyone needs to hear when they’re nursing a broken heart.
I really believe in feeling your feelings, not running from them, and not shaming yourself for having negative emotions. It can be incredibly painful, especially when you lose something or someone you love. It can seem like you’ll never feel better. But if you do not learn to tolerate and soothe your emotional storms, you end up losing the stuff that makes you a better human being.
By ignoring or numbing yourself from this pain, you allow it to fester, and eventually it will force you to pay attention to it. Sometimes, that kind of suppression will make it impossible for you to connect meaningfully with another person, because you have made yourself incapable of being vulnerable. Like in the excerpt, you go emotionally bankrupt, you have less of yourself to offer others, and cut yourself off the potential of love. That’s no way to live.
This little post is for anyone who is going through it right now. A painful heartbreak is like fertilizer. You’d rather have fresh air, water and sunshine, but sometimes you get smelly fertilizer instead. It’s shitty and awful, and all you can do is let it sit there. But, give it some time to sink in and make you stronger, and when you can finally have fresh air, water and sunshine again, it feels even better.